The thought of infidelity, an affair, is something that most couples dread to think about and when and if it does happen or is discovered, it is experienced as a relationship trauma. Couples are building an emotional connection, a safe and reliable haven for themselves and for their children. One with perplexity, suspicion and offence then replaces this context. How could this have happened?
When an affair has come out into the open there are severe effects, a mixture of panic, anger, sadness and even revengeful thoughts. Understandable for such a fundamental trauma.
Though this doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship but it can be seen as a sign that there is a problem or an unfulfilled desire for change. Couple therapy can help prevent the majority of the problems that lead up to an affair such as an emotional and intimate distance and dealing with relationship trauma’s together.
Despite the emotional storm it is important not to make impulsive decisions and to direct one’s focus on creating space. An affair doesn’t have to lead to a breakup but the healing process is not easy and needs time and space.
Therapy and positive experiences can help couples to understand and process the affair, to be able to forgive and eventually heal the wounds and build up trust again in a renewed relationship with a better connectedness with each other.
The therapy offers a place for each other’s stories, injuries, fears and sorrow and helps the couple to realize a combined story together.
What we will do
The couple will examine and recognize old ingrained patterns that they wish to change and to feel and recognize the underlying emotional needs and anxieties.
It could be possible that the couple need to reconnect in the way they communicate about their deeper feelings, being able to recognize the other’s concerns and being able to empathize and take these seriously. By doing this they rediscover themselves and their partner and build a new base for a more adult and equal relationship.
Openness and honesty from each partner expressing their unstated feelings and questions and receiving these is essential to the therapy. How do you do that if you have never experienced that? It can feel vulnerable and scary but closeness is certainly gained when these walls are broken down and there is openness towards the other. The therapist wil help the couple to realise this is in a safe environment.